Another Myth Revealed: Cougars


I posed this question to my older female cousin and aunt last night at dinner while they were having a “cutesy” conversation about Cougars (the flirtatious barflies, not the mountain lion): Do you think the term Cougar is a compliment?

They both nodded and said that it was, pointing to Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (I personally think if you referred to Demi Moore as a Cougar she might go GI Jane on your ass, maybe it’s just me).

The following example will demonstrate why they are wrong:

A conversation between a “Cougar” describing her night of “Cougar-ing” to her group of clucking hens.
HEN #1: So what did you do last night?
COUGAR: I had the most magical evening last night with a man, excuse me boy, less than half my age. He was gorgeous with rippling abs and piercing eyes (from which the hens infer that he had a full head of hair, and his scrotum didn’t hang down to his knees). We went three times.
ALL THE HENS: (in unison) Ooooooh.

Now, here’s the conversation that young man had with his friends:

FRIEND #1: Dude, what the hell happened to you last night? I thought you said you were coming over.
GUY WHO WAS COUGARED: I got stuck at the bar and I ended up fucking some old bag.
FRIEND #2: (laughing) What was that like?
GUY: (defensively) I was pretty hammered. I remember thinking she looked pretty good when she was dressed, but when she took her clothes off I threw up a little in my mouth. But hey, it was an easy lay.
ALL HIS FRIENDS: (in unison) Ewwwwww.

All I’m saying is that there are a lot of guys out there who will screw just about anything, and most of them will take the path of least resistance. It doesn’t mean you’re hot, or look good for your age. It just means you are there. Sorry Cougars.

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