Bright Light! Bright Light!


“Jesus Christ, I just changed that bulb three weeks ago!” was my father’s reaction to the loud *POP* that greeted him when he flipped on the kitchen light switch.

I was quickly dispatched to the basement to find a replacement. My selection was really quite simple considering there were nothing but 100 watt bulbs in the box. I take that back, there were also 50-100-150 watt three-way bulbs, perfect for a little mood lighting in our living room lamps. No wonder he always yelled at me to turn off the light when I left a room. I thought he was concerned with the electric bill, but he had to be going through bulbs at… well, the speed of light.

My father likes brightness; not my ADD inspired attraction to shiny things, but a real affinity for light… BRIGHT light. To this day, he and my mother have been known to have (as seen on TV) tap lights  on their nightstands (and numerous other places) — apparently the 100 watt bulb burning in the actual lamp on his bedside table is no longer bright enough for his needs. He’s also the guy holding his cell phone up to his menu so he can read it in ‘dimly lit’ (40 watt) restaurants.

Years ago, my father purchased fire escape ladders for each of our bedrooms. I naturally assumed it was because he slept with one eye and two nostrils open fearing my mother would burn the house down with her smoking in bed. She’s quit smoking for years now, but based on the aggregate bulb-wattage in all the lamps in his home, I think the ladders may have still been a good purchase.

THE LESSON: Today’s lesson is in the form of a joke my sister made up when she was five-ish. I remember it to this day because of it’s sheer stupidity. ‘Q: What can cause a fire? A: A lightbulb.’  (You have no idea how many guesses I went through before she finally broke down and just told me the punchline).  Maybe it wasn’t that stupid after all.

P.S.  See what actual readers are saying about TeeShirtSoup!  I’ve been saving messages from readers for quite some time, and finally have enough to dedicate a section in the column on the right of the page.

P.P.S.  That’s this side —>

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One Response to “Bright Light! Bright Light!”

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