Nice Bazooka


Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t wince or complain that it hurts, don’t cry, and above all don’t spit that out.

Congress has moved closer to repealing the 17 year old policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” allowing gay and lesbian soldiers to act as gay and lesbionically as they want.  In a related story, the Senate will vote today to institute a similar policy prohibiting questions about government accountability regarding the oil spill in the Gulf.

This is his rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

I want to go on the record that I have no problem with gays.  I like gays.  Hell, some of my favorite same-sex lovers have been gay.  But I also believe that homosexuality is a choice, just like heterosexuality.  I base this view not on scientific data, but on a philosophical observation that we as humans work very hard to find ways to shift responsibilty from ourselves.  The “I was born that way” excuse has been around a lot longer than the current debate on homosexuality.

I’m sure many gays will disagree with me about sexual orientation being a choice — the word orientation itself conjures a genetic predisposition — but I will give you a context for my argument.  I am sitting on a beach with my wife.  While we are enjoying the weather, our surroundings and each other’s company, I feel my neck twist.  Then my head turns, seemingly of its own volition, to admire a beautiful bikini clad woman frolicking in the waves.  I think we can all agree that I chose to look at her.  But check out this list of other things I also CHOSE to do with that single action:

- I chose to disrespect my wife.
- I chose to go forward with a little bit less of her trust.
- I chose to objectify the other woman.
- I chose to change the entire mood for the day.
- I chose to tackle a few extra tasks on the list of things I was supposed to have done a month ago.  Quickly.
- I chose to gratify my baser animal instinct, cheapening myself and all of humanity in the eyes of any more highly evolved aliens who may have been observing me at that moment.
- I chose to be forced to lie when my wife asks the inevitable, “Do you think she’s pretty?”

You get the point. We all make choices every moment whether we realize it or not. Maybe homosexuality is a choice, maybe you’re born that way. Who knows? I just think I’d rather be identified by my actions and my choices than qualities I had no control over.

Enjoy the following video which I have included (as my legal department has asked me to describe it) for its purely satirical value:

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One Response to “Nice Bazooka”

  1. Hahahahaha.. I fell out on the line.. “I like Gays. Some of my favorite same sex lovers have been gay”.. hahahaha

    Great post BTW… and soooooooooooooo true.