Tee Shirt Soup

“Jesus Christ, I just changed that bulb three weeks ago!” was my father’s reaction to the loud *POP* that greeted him when he flipped on the kitchen light switch. I was quickly dispatched to the basement to find a replacement. My selection was really quite simple considering there were nothing but 100 watt bulbs in [...]

 This post is a special VIDEO Comment Challenge.  The “artist” disabled comments on the video’s YouTube page, so I thought I would move it over here.  A little backstory on video’s star:  Noah Ross toiled as an intern for  The Opie and Anthony Show where he worked day and night on his song, Jewlia, which he eventually retitled Julia [...]

I remember the last time one of my parents hit me (looking back, it may have actually been both of them), and I was a lot older than you would probably think.  I don’t say that to criticize my mom and dad — no, I definitely had it coming.  It’s just that most people would [...]

  I have, with little exception, been a staunch supporter of the much maligned Philadelphia sports fan.  I’ve never been able to fathom how our “passion” could be so misunderstood by a national audience.  And I viewed every questionably derogatory comment out of Tim McCarver’s mouth as a slap in our collective face. But our character can only be as strong as those [...]

Ah, the beauty of ADD. Sometimes my thoughts are all over the place; other times I lock onto something like a retarded pitbull. More oil slick chicks: “I don’t care if she finishes all our chores, Cinderella does not go to that ball!” “… and my good friend behind me, Farmer Arthur H. Hoggett, will [...]

Here she is, our nation’s response to the growing oil slick in the Gulf.  Have fun. Keep in mind she protects our right to do shit like this. And she is also a Rear Admiral. I know, I know. Okay, I’ll start: Steven Spielberg showed up at the premiere of HBO’s The Pacific in full military regalia, [...]

I’m not sure if this one is technically a conspiracy, an urban legend, or just a heavily guarded secret.  Either way, Larry David couldn’t get to the bottom of it, and I think it’s time we just let it go. I’m talking of course about the rumor that Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know  is about [...]

ME: I want to be a teacher when I get older. MY DAD: Sounds great, if you want to sell shoes in the mall during the summer?  ME: I believe I was 10 or 11 when my father dropped that one on me. Much to his dismay I was unfazed by it; at my age [...]

  Dear People of Earth, Sorry, I’m not sure what else to call you; and “humans” or “mortals” sounds so condescending.  I chose this forum to contact you because, contrary to popular belief, I am not comfortable speaking to large groups, and there are a couple items I really feel like I need to address.  The [...]

Even though it’s just another Caption Challenge, I still like to stay topical.  (But why do they all seem to revolve around asses?) Sorry, no headstart this time. Hard to believe Ben would be hanging out at a college bar with all that waiting at home. Big Ben, meet Big Bertha. “I, the Honorable Luke [...]

Now that Brian has finally weighed in on Caption Challenge III, I can post this little leftover I had from my Bad Tattoos post from a month ago: This time I’m giving you guys a 6 hour headstart.  But if there’s anything left to say after 7:00 PM EDT, I’ll mop it up.  Have fun and Happy [...]

We’ve certainly had our share of problems with flash mobs during the first few months of this year here in Philadelphia.  I’m not talking about groups of people who show up at a train station (thanks to a mass email, text, tweet, facebook status update, or whatever they do on myspace), and break into an [...]

I’m assuming that most of the comments I will see on this one will be along the same general theme. This time I’m challenging you to come up with the funniest, most obscure caption. In the meantime, I’ll do a little cherry-picking: “I met an altar boy in Africa whose penis was this big!” “I [...]

A fun-fact follow-up with the brooding, petulant dictator (previous visit with him here) : When no one’s around, Emo Hitler likes to stand before a full length mirror and “tuck” Emo Hitler was bottle fed even though his mother’s milkshake brought all the blond-haired blue-eyed boys to the yard. Emo Hitler says “Love me or hate me, [...]

You know the drill. I know you guys are funny, so let’s see what you got. As usual, I’ll take the easy ones: (a child’s voice) :  Dad!  Daad!  Excuse me lady, have you seen my dad? I always thought if I was going to eat a person, I would start at the feet.  But I [...]