Tee Shirt Soup

Even though it’s just another Caption Challenge, I still like to stay topical.  (But why do they all seem to revolve around asses?) Sorry, no headstart this time. Hard to believe Ben would be hanging out at a college bar with all that waiting at home. Big Ben, meet Big Bertha. “I, the Honorable Luke [...]

Now that Brian has finally weighed in on Caption Challenge III, I can post this little leftover I had from my Bad Tattoos post from a month ago: This time I’m giving you guys a 6 hour headstart.  But if there’s anything left to say after 7:00 PM EDT, I’ll mop it up.  Have fun and Happy [...]

We’ve certainly had our share of problems with flash mobs during the first few months of this year here in Philadelphia.  I’m not talking about groups of people who show up at a train station (thanks to a mass email, text, tweet, facebook status update, or whatever they do on myspace), and break into an [...]

I’m assuming that most of the comments I will see on this one will be along the same general theme. This time I’m challenging you to come up with the funniest, most obscure caption. In the meantime, I’ll do a little cherry-picking: “I met an altar boy in Africa whose penis was this big!” “I [...]

A fun-fact follow-up with the brooding, petulant dictator (previous visit with him here) : When no one’s around, Emo Hitler likes to stand before a full length mirror and “tuck” Emo Hitler was bottle fed even though his mother’s milkshake brought all the blond-haired blue-eyed boys to the yard. Emo Hitler says “Love me or hate me, [...]

You know the drill. I know you guys are funny, so let’s see what you got. As usual, I’ll take the easy ones: (a child’s voice) :  Dad!  Daad!  Excuse me lady, have you seen my dad? I always thought if I was going to eat a person, I would start at the feet.  But I [...]

I woke up this morning to find that my neck had literally overtaken my chin.  Or vice versa; I’m not sure which, but for either it was surely a pyrrhic victory.   My bathroom mirror confirmed my tragic case of facial cankles, I guess you would call it a “check” (chin + neck, oh nevermind).  Or [...]

In an effort to post new material daily, yet still provide the same pulitzer-caliber quality you’ve grown used to, I am introducing a new recurring feature to the page. Basically, when I run out of shit to write, I will post a picture (or a video like last post) and ask you guys to flex [...]

Just a quick burst of micro-fiction that I wrote a few years ago.  Enjoy. DEATH IN LA “What do you mean he’s dead?” “Go see for yourself.  I went up to see if he wanted something from Jamba Juice, and he was just…  dead.” “Dead?  Mike’s Dead?!” said Neil, one of Mike’s two roommates, standing [...]

Much like Jesus Christ himself, on this Holy Thursday/Good Friday Eve, I will sacrifice myself for the salvation of my readers.  I’ll take the hit on this one, and spend eternity surrounded by fire and brimstone, so that you all may be reborn in Heaven.  Unless you can go to hell for laughing…  then you’re all [...]

For decades the tee shirt has told people where we’ve been. Concerts. Vacation spots. Historical events. They have proven a powerful advertiser and marketing tool. Hell, tee shirts have even chronicled the places we haven’t been (MY PARENTS VISITED THE SAN DIEGO ZOO AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEE SHIRT). Wait. Is this [...]

Whether for poor quality, questionable location, or just ridiculous subject matter, these tattoos struck a chord with me after what my wife referred to as “hours of research.”  Tattoos are tee shirts for your skin, after all. I couldn’t have said it better myself. You are AWSOME! “Remember team, there is no “WE” in AWSOME!” I [...]

I hate that there are parts of my body that know it’s going to rain before I even see the five-day forecast. It makes me feel old; old and weak; old, weak, and mortal. Ironically, if I had discovered this ability when I was eight, I probably would have thought I was a superhero. I [...]

Would a rose by any other name not still flash its beav’ when exiting a limousine or falling off a barstool? It has recently come to my attention that one of the morning news shows, which shall remain nameless (possible litigation pending), used the word ‘soupy’ to describe the day’s weather.  And it was not [...]

Man, I hope every guy in that band’s dick fell off after they recorded that video. My penis hurt just watching it, and I could care less if the lead singer gets his boyfriend back or not.   But that’s not why I posted it here. For some reason that song was stuck in my head [...]