The Anatomy of a Fat Man’s Tee Shirt

I had just come inside from Rollerblading.  It’s summer in suburban Philadelphia, so it’s hot and humid.  Really humid—unbearably humid.  Anyway, in between drops of sweat falling from my nose, I am shoving Doritos into my awful mouth.  I am just thinking to myself how despicable I am, when I catch a glimpse of my stomach; the reason I am exercising in the first place.

I am wearing a Pepperdine Law t-shirt, Pepperdine is on one line and Law is supposed to be centered underneath it.  It is not, so it looks like shit being pushed askew by my horrible gut.  Three thoughts came to mind.  One, why do I have a Pepperdine Law shirt.  I never went to Law School, let alone Pepperdine.  Two, regardless of my matriculation status or lack thereof at Pepperdine, its time to put this shirt away until I see some results from my excruciating exercise program or I am able to stop the flow of crap into my mouth.

And finally, the world needs t-shirts for fat guys.  I mean real fat guys, guys who know they’re fat, and not in a silly self-deprecating way but in a “I’m fat and I’m proud” kind of way.  I mean who but these special, wonderful men would be seen dead in my Hefty or Bulimia Rules tee shirts?

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7 Responses to “The Anatomy of a Fat Man’s Tee Shirt”

  1. From one fat dude to a slightly less fat dude… that shit’s funny man! I can’t wait to don the Hefty tee at my next overeaters anonymous meeting. Nice work Soup Man… keep em coming!

  2. Haha, thanks A. Check this out, last night I got up in the middle of the night to take a piss because I’m not just getting fatter, I’m getting older. Anyway, I’m standing in front of the toilet in position A and I spit in the toilet. As I’m waiting to hear my saliva hit the bowl, I feel it running down my belly. As disgusted as I was, I had to laugh at how my metabolism had betrayed me thusly. Just thought I’d share that.

  3. I suffered my biggest indignity to date just the other day when I went to stand up from my couch. My shirt pulled strangely, and I thought, “I don’t remember tucking in my tee shirt.” I hadn’t, it had wedged itself in a roll of fat on my side. Yay me!!

  4. Hello, I can’t understand how to add your blog ( ) in my rss reader
    internet signature:

  5. Thought I would spend time to read and comment on most of your articles today as the weather is so shocking :(

  6. Very great information.


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