Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That

I love conspiracy theories. Let me rephrase that, I love conspiracy theories that can’t be picked apart in a second. I’m not a fan of the 9.11 inside job theories, not because that event is above scrutiny or anything. They just don’t make sense. Not like a long necked creature in a Scottish Loch, or a furry beast roaming the woods of the Pacific Northwest, or an illegal Alien in Roswell, New Mexico.

Speaking of Roswell, I know a way this bloated government of ours could fix our economy within a month. How you ask? Open up Area 51 to the public. What are they waiting for? Even if there is no alien or evidence of a crashed spacecraft, people would not be able to stay away. You wouldn’t be able to get a flight to any city within a 10 hour drive of there. The Star Trek convention would be there every year. They could make a fortune, and maybe they would stop hounding me for my money.

Anyway, I came across these videos this week, which is itself ironic because this past weekend I was out with friends for my 40th birthday at a karaoke place, and it turned out to be gay night. I know what you’re thinking, “Gay Night at a karaoke place, you’ve gotta be kidding.” But I’m not, and this one fag (and I use the term endearingly and with his permission), Steve, confided that Tom Cruise was gay,¬†and that his marriage was actually a 5 years for $5 million arrangement. Without a doubt. Now I’ve heard the rumors, and I’ve bought into them, but they were just that–rumors. Now I had coroborration, and on high authority. So I told my wife what Steve had said, figuring I would finally end that argument. Her response was, “So I’m supposed to believe Tom Cruise is gay because Steve the Homo in suburban Philadelphia says so.”

In retrospect, she makes a lot of sense.

Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook Email

No comments yet... Be the first to leave a reply!