More Pet Peeves

Here is another installment of stuff that doesn’t quite piss me off, but at least gets under my skin.  Again, they are in no particular order.

1.  Tattoos on women’s breasts.  Perhaps the only thing more disgusting than an eighty year old tit is an eighty year old tit with an illegible tattoo on it.

2.  When ESPN broadcasts the Cubs/Braves game.  Hey ESPN, if I have your channel, then feel free to assume that I also have WGN and TBS, and already have that stupid game on two channels, and don’t need it on a third.

3.  The most useless thing ever invented that a “golfer” will buy — the head cover for his putter and a set for his irons.  Hell even the wood headcovers only serve some sort of Hansel and Gretel purpose as they fall out of the back of your cart allowing you to retrace your steps if necessary.  While I’m on useless golf equipment, I absolutely hate ball retrievers.  If I play with someone with one in their bag, I throw it as far as I can into the first water hazard we come across and I say, “Too bad you don’t have a ball retriever retriever.”

4.  People who try to start conversations with me by saying things like, “I can’t believe that happened.”  So now, I have to ask him (it’s always a him), “What?” and now all of a sudden I am engaged in a horrible conversation that there are few ways out of.  No one cares what  you have to say, but you’ve probably already figured that out and that’s why you feel the need to start conversations that way.

The worst part about it is the “thing” that happened to them is never exciting.  My tip to avoid these conversations is to guess the most horrifically insulting thing when he tells me he can’t believe what happened.

5.  Cashiers who not only don’t ask me how I’m doing, but when I make the effort to ask them how they are today, they tell me to ask them in 45 minutes, when they’re off.  Why don’t you go get another fucking job then, toots.

6.  Obama supporters telling me I have to sit in the back of the bus or I can’t drink from their water fountain just because I’m white.  It makes me so mad.  It’s just plain unfair to discriminate against someone because of the color of their skin.  I’m sorry, that’s not right.

7.  Bail outs for victims of the Nigerian email scam.

8.  People who say that no two snowflakes are the same.  Prove it.  They look the fucking same to me.

9.  Brooke Burke on Dancing With The Stars.  I don’t know why, but I can’t even look at her face without getting angry.

10.  Celebrities who don’t allow their kids to watch TV.  Wow, they are probably going to be the most interesting , amazing adults when they grow up.  Fantastic parenting move, I wish I’d thought of it.

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