More Bits & Pieces

It’s time to clean up my notebook again.  Here’s more ideas that I couldn’t justify spending a whole post on:

Is there anyone more arrogant than Barry Manilow?  Excluding tree surgeons of course.  These are his words:  I write the songs that make the whole world sing.  (Do ya?)  I am music… (Are ya?)

Okay, I’m not sure if it’s because I am getting older or fatter, but more and more of my farts are not making it all the way out of my ass.  It’s like they need a map or a guide or a better offensive line all of a sudden.  I’ll have to journalize my meals to see if it has anything to do with that.

I just wanted to tell you about a friend of mine who worked at the UPS Store and he developed a severe styrofoam peanut allergy.

Does anyone out there watch Jeopardy?  I get so pissed off if I miss the part where the contestants tell little stories about themselves.  Alex will say something like, “I understand you mailed a letter once where you inadvertently adhered the stamp upside down?”  And the contestant will reply, “I did. Alex.  It’s actually a funny story (NO IT ISN’T), I actually talked to the recipient and they said it arrived on time or maybe just a day late.”  And that’s it.  That’s the story they chose to tell on national TV.  And the returning champion’s blurbs are always the worst ’cause he shot his load the first night, just in case he didn’t win.

Speaking of letters, my favorite way someone can end a letter is by saying, “Okay, I have to go now because my dinner’s ready.”  I’ll tell you what, letter-writer, why don’t you put the pen down, enjoy your meal, then come back and finish the letter.  I know there’s a funnier way to address this serious issue, but I’ll be damned if I can figure it out, and I have to go to the bathroom so I’ll see you later.

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4 Responses to “More Bits & Pieces”

  1. the song WAS NOT WRITTEN By Barry Manilow, it was Written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys. it is a CHARACTER SONG with MUSIC being the CHARACTER. listen to the words… “I AM MUSIC…and I write the songs.

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