A Tale


I used to love getting letters when I was a kid.  I loved getting any kind of mail actually, and since I shared my father’s name, I got some pretty interesting shit — especially the magazines in the plain brown wrappers.

But I digress.

Even as a child, I recognized the following line in a letter as being “phony,” and quite frankly a hack way to wrap up a note:  “… Well, my mom is calling me for dinner, so I better get going.”

Here’s a thought:  Put down your stupid fucking pencil, go eat dinner, come back to your stupid desk with your stupider desk set, and conclude this letter in a more thoughtful and original manner.  I can only hope that you choked on your dinner, and somehow your letter still gets mailed to me so I can keep it as a souvenir of your horrible writing as well as your amateurish swallowing.

In other words, I don’t like excuses.  Well, I don’t like for the excuses I make to be so transparent, and I hate to be viewed as someone who makes excuses.  So it pains me to say that I haven’t really posted anything of substance here in a few weeks because, HELLO, there was a tornado in the state next to mine.  And I’ve been sick.  And a little busy.  But I wanted to share a quick, unoriginal story that has always made me seem insightful when I share it

A traveller, walking along a road, sees a large city in the distance.  About five hundred yards from the entrance to the city, he came upon an old man sitting by the side of the road.

“Hey, let me ask you,” the traveller began, “what are the people like in that city ahead?”

The old man looked up and replied, “What were the people like where you came from?”

“Terrible,” replied the traveller.  “They were stupid, and pushy, and rude.”

The old man looked at him.  “You will find them the same here.”

A few hours later, another traveller came upon the old man, and asked him the same question.

The old man responded much as he did earlier, “What were the people like in the city you are from?”

“Oh, they’re great!” the traveller answered.  “Very caring, and friendly.”

“You will find them the same here,” the old man replied.

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2 Responses to “A Tale”

  1. If you think about it, the “my mom is calling me/I need to get the dogs in/whatever” excuse is the road to Twitter… a real-time glimpse into your pen pal’s life. I’ve always gone with “I have terrible rectal bleeding, and should I continue this letter, I may drift into a coma, and you’ll receive this far too late to remain timely. Much more as soon as the metallic taste in my mouth subsides. Hope all is well by you!”
    A solid excuse that warrants very few follow-up questions.