The Greatest Thing Since…

With new words inspired by technology entering the dictionary each year, don’t you think it’s time we retire the phrase, “The greatest thing since sliced bread?” Or at least update it? You’re not going to believe this one, but Webster’s has entrusted that task to yours truly.

I wanted to take this responsibility very seriously. For example, my first thought was “The greatest thing since microwave popcorn.” Remember what a pain in the ass it was to make popcorn before that. You’re sitting there on a Saturday night, Love Boat is just starting. The ship’s horn has just blown, but your dad is still shaking that Jiffy-Pop thing over the stove, or worse, the little styrofoam-tasting popped kernels are just beginning to shoot out of the air popper.

But even that seemed a bit outdated (and actually it’s the POPCORN button on the microwave that really makes microwave popcorn the greatest thing since sliced bread). So I tried to come up with a list of other ideas. And yes, I already know they’re not all winners.

The Greatest Thing Since…

1. the symbol @. Now I don’t have to write out the whole word “at” anymore. You would think you’d reserve the “a” with a circle around it to represent a longer word like anti-disestablishmentarianism.
2. Cottonelle flushable wipes.
3. the pop-up blocker (which incidentally was invented by the same people who brought you the pop-up ad in the first place).
4. the prescription windshield.
5. Pokemon cards.
6. the taser. (I am currently compiling taser videos for a future post. Hilarious!)
7. a Chipotle steak burrito.
8. the burberry pattern.
9. Celebreality television.
10. TeeShirtSoup.com

While I was writing this, I started wondering what things might have preceded “sliced bread” as the zenith of man’s achievement.

The Greatest Thing Since…

1. the apple.
2. fire.
3. the wheel.
4. clubbing a woman over the head with your club.
5. the guillotine.
6. a tankard of mead.
7. the lute.
8. the corset.
9. unsliced bread.

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6 Responses to “The Greatest Thing Since…”

  1. I can’t believe you left this one out:

    11. Al Gore invented the internet.

    I once had a bargument (a future word of the day over at EquiSpace) over that very factoid.

  2. Yea I know. I left out internet porn too, which may very well have been the winner. I think the guy from Kissing Suzy Kolber would agree.

  3. One of my favorite movie lines, for some reason, is “I think you’re the greatest thing since spice racks”. Spice racks really are awesome.

  4. I totally love this post! going to have to add this to my blogroll.