The Early Worm Gets Eaten By The Bird


“The early bird gets the worm.”  I think we’ve all heard that one before, but I think the story’s lesson is a little different in the worm community.

I’ve addressed the “how late is too late to call someone at home?” issue, so no one is more surprised than me that I now have to weigh in on “how early is too early to call someone (me!) at home?”

I’ll set the scene.

I’m lying in bed, I hit the snooze button for the fifth, maybe sixth time seven minutes earlier.  The phone rings.  7:22.  AM. 

I jumped out of bed to try and find the phone before it wakes up my wife, 14 month old twins, and my soon to be eight year old son who is home from school with a 102 degree fever and was up until 12:15 watching the Phillies finish off the Dodgers (who managed to dodge another trip to the World Series).

I squeaked across our wood floor to my wife’s side of the bed to find the phone base empty.  Fuck.  Shit.  Balls.  I ran as quietly as I could past the babies’ room and down to the kitchen, glanced at the handset’s Caller ID and hit TALK just in time to get an earful of dial tone.

I called her back immediately in case she thought it might be a good idea to try to call again.

“She” is my neighbor, my wife’s friend, my friend (for now), and today is not the first time she’s called before 8:00 in the morning.  In fact it was the second time this week, and the fourth this month.

I am partial to the 12 hour calling window of 9 AM to 9 PM (10 AM to 9 PM on Sundays) with exceptions on a case by case basis.  And calling before 9 AM will certainly get you in dutch with me moreso than calling after 9 PM, although I have been known to show leniency on calls in the 8 AM hour.  But if you decide you need to talk to someone at my house and the first number on your clock is a 7 or lower, put the phone back in the cradle and say what you were going to say out loud.  If it’s not, “My husband just left for work, can you please drive me to the battered women’s shelter?” or something along those lines, leave the phone on the table.

Now I appreciate that my neighbor (who lives two doors down from me and whose name starts with an ‘S’… and ends with an ‘ue’) has had a cup and a half of coffee and is just itching to scratch things off of her daily to-do list, but I gotta believe she could fill the time before 9:00 with more appropriate activities.  If she cannot think of any, I am happy to suggest a few:  Meals on Wheels is always appreciated by the shut-ins, read to the elderly (you know the ones who are getting up today are up by 4:15), rake leaves, shampoo a neighbor’s dog, watch a movie, take a nap, throw on a load of laundry, get a job, or if you absolutely feel that you need to talk to us you can always walk up to my house and stand on the front porch until one of us notices you.

I’ll stop now because I only want to embarrass her enough that she stops calling so early.

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2 Responses to “The Early Worm Gets Eaten By The Bird”

  1. Starts with an S ends with an ue. Ha!

  2. All I can say is that I have finally made it into your blog.