Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention

I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, which is another symptom of my affliction (I love referring to my ADD as an affliction. I pisses my wife off, but for me I can’t tell you the pride I feel when I overcome my affliction long enough to accomplish something like remembering to call the doctor and make an appointment. It must be close to how a Special Olympian feels atop the medal podium after his or her event), but over my first fifteen years of marriage (my anniversary’s Wednesday btw) I believe I’ve held something like 14 jobs in probably as many fields. Don’t worry, I think I’ve finally found something I love doing: Not selling tee-shirts. HAHA.

Anyway, to demonstrate how I’ve always been filled with the spirit of entrepreneurism, I thought I’d share with you guys two of the inventions I’ve come up with to help improve our quality of life. Neither were sold, but I still think they’re pretty good. Also, remind me to share some stories of some of my get rich quick schemes in a future blog. I’ll try to remember, but with my affliction and all…

I guess the first thing I developed was the prescription windshield for your car. I figured it would be something that would be used mostly in luxury cars. I shopped it to BMW and Mercedes figuring their drivers wouldn’t want to be bothered wearing their glasses while they drove. The prescription would obviously be customized to the driver. BMW declined, Merecedes told me to drive off a cliff, and then I guess I just forgot about it. Yea, I’ll admit there were some issues, the passengers would probably have splitting headaches when they arrived at their destination, especially with the upgraded bifocal windshield. And the driver’s head would look abnormally large to oncoming drivers, but that could be a plus, too.

Undaunted, I went back to the drawing board and came up with perhaps the greatest video game adaptation ever developed. Wii-Bang. The best way to describe it would probably be to write out a short commercial.

Voice Over:
Lonely, guys? Looking for some action… Right now?
Then get your Wii remote, connect it to the front of the handy Wii-Bang belt, point it at the TV and you’ll be getting some in minutes.
No dinner. No foreplay. Just bangin’! Just keep thrusting that pelvis, and unlike your partner, the character on the screen will tell you whether they like it faster or slower. You can even design your own characters that look like your partner (or not).
Not sure if your partner’s faking her orgasms? You’ll receive instant feedback with Wii-Bang.
Just have time for a nooner? Or a quick blowjob? That’s fine. Or Wii-Bang all night, it’s up to you.
Compete against your high score or a friend.

Coming soon: Wii-Fag. Like the original, only gayer.

And Wii-Bang: West Virginia Edition
Fun for the whole family.

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4 Responses to “Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention”

  1. The possibilities are really limitless. You could have:

    Wii-Bang: Amsterdam. Cruise the Red-Light District

    Wii-Bang: Thailand. Where the customs and the laws (wink,wink) are different.

    Wii-Bang: Serial Rapist. Find your type and take her. (Side note: Isn’t it odd that you can break the word therapist into the rapist. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I’m not gonna let that son of a bitch hypnotize me again.)

    Wii-Bang: Down On The Farm. Does this one really need an explanation?

  2. I should mention that Wii-Fag does require two remotes for the advanced levels.

  3. Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

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  1. Vagina Flavored Stamps. Wait… What? | Tee Shirt Soup - 28. Jul, 2010

    [...] know that I fancy myself an inventor of sorts (you can see examples of my inventing talents here).  Inventing to me has always been a hobby, a passion really that I never expected to be [...]