I had a dream last night that my big toe was very upset with me because he didn’t have a name.

“You mean like my penis’ name is Reginald Johnson?” I asked.

“No, Shit-for-brains,” he shot back, “like your fingers have names.  Thumb, pinky, index finger, the bird.  Get it?”


Awkward silence.

“Well just so you know, I didn’t come up with those names.  They’ve been around long before I got here.”  I thought that would calm him some.

“Look, I didn’t bring it up because I wanted to hear a bunch of excuses from you –  And by the way, if you think I’m angry, you should hear Little Toe.  He’s fucking livid.  He knows about evolution; he knows he doesn’t have a whole lot of time left.” My toe was screaming at me now. “You have until sundown to give us names.  Got it?”

I nodded.



The Situation?


T-Money?  Snooki?

No.  No.

Toe-ny?  Tic-Tac?

The sun burned across the sky.


And that’s when I woke up.  Drenched in sweat, I pulled the sheet off my lower body, and my big toe was missing.  Fucking gone!  Immediately an image of it hopping along a set of train tracks, carrying a pole with a bandana tied to the end of it flashed in my head, and I screamed.

I screamed so loud that I woke myself up again, and my toe was back.  Phew.

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One Response to “Inception”

  1. I used to dream that my teeth were falling out and I didn’t how to call off work (because I couldn’t be seen toothless). I also dreamed that I had a litter of kittens and I secretly thought they were all ugly.