Goodbye 2009, Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya In The Ass On The Way Out

There’s something about a day that starts off with a little snow that eventually turns to rain, a battleship gray sky, hillsides of exfoliated trees, and a brother and sister having sex in a disabled car on the side of the highway, that can make any city look like Wheeling, West Virginia.  With the exception of the kin-terlude in the breakdown lane, that was today.  That was the last day of 2009.  A fitting end to a shitty year.

Without further ado, here’s my list of people from 2009 whose names I never needed to know:

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5.  Snooki, The Situation, et al. It’s not because I am an Italian-American, or that I can’t do 100 sit-ups. In fact, we should probably thank the cast of Jersey Shore for showing us that the ability to know when we are being ‘laughed at’ and not ‘laughed with’ is a skill worth honing.

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4. Edward and Bella. I know they’re very popular with the young teen girls (just like this site), which is why I hesitated including these star-crossed lovers on my list. And by star-crossed I mean that they both like boys (not that there’s anything wrong with that. This site is also very popular in the gay community). In fact, Edward may actually be more sexually attracted to Bela Lugosi than Bella Swan.

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3. Elin Nordegren Woods.  Sure, I guess she’s pretty and all, if you like that sort of thing, but do you think she could handle the breakfast rush at Perkins’ Pancake House?  Yea, me either.

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2. Adam Lambert.  Boy, he’s really making a name for himself, huh.

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1. Susan Boyle.  Everyone was floored just because an ugly woman is able to sing really well. Wow, I guess I’m the only one who remembers Barbra Streisand.

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25 Responses to “Goodbye 2009, Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya In The Ass On The Way Out”

  1. Awesome. Is there no better nickname in all of televison than “The Situation.” I think not. I’m curious to what your Jersey Shore nickname is. Happy New Year.

    G-Train

  2. Hey, I just hopped over to your site via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would normally read, but I liked your thoughts none the less. Thanks for making something worth reading.

  3. Wow, discovered your page on Ask.Glad I finally tested it out. Not sure if its my Opera browser,but sometimes when I visit your site, the fonts are really small? However, love your blog and will check back.Bye

  4. Cheers for the post, your site is solid! I absolutely am in love with Sammi. This definitely brings back memories.

  5. Susan Boyle is an exceptionally talented lady who’s been subjected to considerable criticism in the media. IMHO she deserves every bit of success that she is having.

  6. Hey, I think your mostly on target with this, I can’t say I agree with you completely , but its not really that much of a deal .

  7. I found your web page from bing and it is superb. Thankx for providing such an informative post!!!!

  8. Aw, this was a really quality post. In theory I’d like to write like this also – taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and never seem to get anything done… Regards

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  10. I totally agree. That is pretty much how I understand it. Thanks!

  11. Susan Boyle may not be a very good looking woman but she has an angelic voice. :

  12. I have seen the performance of Susan Boyle and it is never short of excellent. Definitely one of the best voices out there. -

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  18. my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not leave it with

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