Douchebags to my right.

Actually, I am beset on all sides with laughable douchebaggery, and if there’s one thing I love to do it’s point at other people and laugh at them.  So here are some examples:

1.  People who link their sexual prowess to their choice of career, and then feel the need to declare it – You know who I’m talking about, they wear tee shirts that say things like “Architects do it with models,” or they have a “Plumbers know how to lay the pipe” bumper-sticker on their pick-up.  What’s next, “Homeless guys do it outside?”  Wait, I kinda like that one.  Or “Teachers do it with their students?”  “Sailors get blown off shore?” “Truckers carry their load around all day?”  This is fun. 

2.  We’ve had a pretty rainy summer here in the Northeast, but it wasn’t until yesterday I saw something I hadn’t seen since my youth.  Do you remember those clear umbrellas that create a personal dome over your upper body?  I recall thinking what a cool idea that was, but nothing makes you feel like a douchebag faster than walking around – solo – in a fogged up umbrella and having to constantly wipe the inside of your bumbershoot to see where you are going.  At least the stupid umbrella hat effectively creates shade on sunny days.

3.  And then there are the guys (I don’t mean to sound sexy, but they are usually guys) who leap into action whenever there is a fender bender along their daily commute.  You know the ones, they pull off to the side of the road behind the disabled vehicles, their hazards flashing before they even get their car in park.  They’ve usually got the second button of their white oxford unbuttoned and their tie tucked in there, and a jizz stain spreading across the front of their pants because they are so excited at the prospect of directing traffic around the accident.  NEWS FLASH:  You’re fucking things up more than the accident could do on its own.

I would love to hear about the bags of douche that you guys run into everyday.  Comment below.  Remember, if you can’t think of anyone to complain about, chances are, people are complaining about you.

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One Response to “CANNONS To My Left…”

  1. Very good article.Thanks Again. Will read on…