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Gimme A Venti Non-Fat Same Sex Marriage

Gimme A Venti Non-Fat Same Sex Marriage

I prefer to keep my rants more anti-government than political. I have been traditionally married for over 19 years, and really have no issue whatsoever with same sex marriage. I do however feel that when a legislature, like the one in California, takes the easy way out (politically speaking) and refuses to take a side [...]

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Soupy’s Soapbox: A Final Word On Gay Marriage

Soupy’s Soapbox: A Final Word On Gay Marriage

Anyone who knows me, or has read more than two posts on this site knows I am not a religious zealot (with the exception of my brief stint with the Westboro Baptist Church).

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Another Soupy Sexpose – Trippin’ The Perv Switch

Another Soupy Sexpose – Trippin’ The Perv Switch

Representative Anthony Weiner is the latest in a long line of public figures to trip his perv switch. It would be very easy to moralize and exile him to the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, but I’d rather try to come to an understanding of what happened, if for no other reason to keep talking about this idiotic topic.

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Enough About The Vuvuzelas

Enough About The Vuvuzelas

Foreigners are weird. They talk funny, they eat bizarre foods, and they smell bad. We know this; we’ve actually known this for some time. And anyone who’s ever watched European Gladiators is familiar with just how strange they can be as spectators at pseudo sporting events. So if a bunch of South Africans find a zero [...]

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Nice Bazooka

Nice Bazooka

Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t wince or complain that it hurts, don’t cry, and above all don’t spit that out. Congress has moved closer to repealing the 17 year old policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” allowing gay and lesbian soldiers to act as gay and lesbionically as they want.  In a related story, the Senate will vote today to [...]

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Strike Three

Strike Three

  I have, with little exception, been a staunch supporter of the much maligned Philadelphia sports fan.  I’ve never been able to fathom how our “passion” could be so misunderstood by a national audience.  And I viewed every questionably derogatory comment out of Tim McCarver’s mouth as a slap in our collective face. But our character can only be as strong as those [...]

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A Letter From God

A Letter From God

  Dear People of Earth, Sorry, I’m not sure what else to call you; and “humans” or “mortals” sounds so condescending.  I chose this forum to contact you because, contrary to popular belief, I am not comfortable speaking to large groups, and there are a couple items I really feel like I need to address.  The [...]

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Flash… A-Aah…  Savior Of The Universe!

Flash… A-Aah… Savior Of The Universe!

We’ve certainly had our share of problems with flash mobs during the first few months of this year here in Philadelphia.  I’m not talking about groups of people who show up at a train station (thanks to a mass email, text, tweet, facebook status update, or whatever they do on myspace), and break into an [...]

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Bad Tattoos

Bad Tattoos

Whether for poor quality, questionable location, or just ridiculous subject matter, these tattoos struck a chord with me after what my wife referred to as “hours of research.”  Tattoos are tee shirts for your skin, after all. I couldn’t have said it better myself. You are AWSOME! “Remember team, there is no “WE” in AWSOME!” I [...]

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What’s In A Name?

Would a rose by any other name not still flash its beav’ when exiting a limousine or falling off a barstool? It has recently come to my attention that one of the morning news shows, which shall remain nameless (possible litigation pending), used the word ‘soupy’ to describe the day’s weather.  And it was not [...]

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You Suck At Being A Store

  Dear Whole Foods, You suck at being a store.  You don’t stock half of the things I need, ensuring that I will have to make yet another stop on my way home.  The stuff you do carry seems to have been arranged by baboons with Asperger Syndrome who, incidentally forgot to tell any of your employees where [...]

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The Return Of Conspiracy Theory Friday (I swear I started writing this on Friday)

I hear that doctors are hard at work trying to resurrect the guy who flew his plane into the IRS building in Texas so he can deliver a formal televised apology. I honestly don’t know the guy’s name, and I’m not gonna bother looking it up.  It doesn’t really matter, and the point is that he [...]

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The Benefit Of The Doubt

 –I was walking into a supermarket with my wife a few years back.  A car zipped in front of us and pulled into a first space — a “one-sy” — a handicap spot, hung his placard on the rearview, and walked ahead of us into the store.  No limp.  No nothin’. ME:  Man that pisses [...]

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Wanted: Suicide Bomber. Must Be Detail Oriented.

In light of the recent success/failure of the “Underwear Bomber,” I have just a few tips for al Qaeda.  Now I’m not going to give away all our national secrets like our illustrious media did in the weeks and months following 9/11, when they broadcasted just how vulnerable places like Hoover Dam and countless nuclear [...]

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Naughty By Nature? Part Deux (that’s gay for two)

Last night I was discussing my last post with a friend, and we actually stumbled upon a real answer to the question of whether people are born gay or not. It is actually so simple I’m surprised no one’s brought it up before. I think we can all agree that there is definitely a gay [...]

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