Tee Shirt Soup

Ever wonder what goes through the mind of a crazed dictator like Adolf Hitler? Me either, but Emo Hitler sounds interesting as hell.  Here’s his quick fact sheet: Emo Hitler has a ‘KEEP OUT… unless you have big boobs’ sign on his bedroom door. Emo Hitler just wants his parents’ attention. Emo Hitler is wondering, [...]

I’ll be the first one to admit that I don’t know much about cars, but I am a certified expert at finding inconsequential things to get worked up about. I passed a new Acura TL in a parking lot and couldn’t help wondering, “What the fuck are you smiling at, Herbie?”  I can’t remember ever [...]

I haven’t been in a supermarket — for more than a few gallons of milk — in at least two months.  And it’s probably been longer than that since I was “full-fledged” grocery shopping on a weekend.  Well, until today. Okay, so what the hell is the deal with the obtrusive cardboard displays full of product littering every [...]

  I’ve been burning the proverbial candle at both ends with a house full of sick people and a whole bunch of year-end shit at work, but I resolved to post more often (lucky you), so here’s another of my short stories.  ‘Short’ being the operative word. Scene From A Car   “Dude, what is [...]

There’s something about a day that starts off with a little snow that eventually turns to rain, a battleship gray sky, hillsides of exfoliated trees, and a brother and sister having sex in a disabled car on the side of the highway, that can make any city look like Wheeling, West Virginia.  With the exception of [...]

I’ve been conspicuously silent on the Tiger Woods issue for no other reason than I’ve just been to lazy to chime in with a lame golf joke or two; but now it’s time for Soupy to step out from behind the ropes armed with that lame golf joke I referred to in the last sentence. [...]

Hi.  This is Bob, the actor who plays Soupy here at TeeShirtSoup.com.  Thanksgiving may be over, but that’s no reason to leave that grateful feeling behind.  Being the kind of person who sees the cornucopia half-full, I’m sure I could no doubt fill this list with tender sentiments about what a wonderful wife I have, [...]

“The early bird gets the worm.”  I think we’ve all heard that one before, but I think the story’s lesson is a little different in the worm community. I’ve addressed the “how late is too late to call someone at home?” issue, so no one is more surprised than me that I now have to [...]

Let’s talk office supplies.  I literally could spend hours in Staples.  Whenever I’m there I try to think of businesses I could start so I can avail myself of their sales order books, make-your-own-magnetic-business-card kits, or those cool clipboards that open up so you can store documents inside of them.  I bought an eraseable calendar which is [...]

Seriously.  I was deep in the throes of an 8 hour mushroom-induced euphoria (years ago) and the house across the street was trying to come into my house.  It was announcing its intentions to me via its mouth (the door) and staring right through me with its piercing windows (double-hung, I think), but it wasn’t scary.  It was funny [...]

Why do people get so wrapped up in determining which side of the family a new baby looks like?  My sister just had a baby, and declared (4 hours into this baby’s life) that she looked just like her sister.  Well I guess four hours to try to cultivate her own identity was enough.  Now she will be forever [...]

Looking to right my shit  …errr ship. Bears over Lions. Oh my. The Bears are no Redskins Bengals over Browns. What the hell is Man-Genius doing in the Rock and Roll City? Until he wins, I’m not picking the Browns. Unless they play Pittsburgh (sorry Dave, but what the hell is going on in the [...]

As each generation fades off into the sunset, they take something with them–something that, for better or worse, we will probably never see again.  The last generation took letter writing with them to their collective grave (by letter writing I mean the art form–the well conceived, thoughtful, handwritten letter that was addressed with care and handed [...]

I firmly believe that I can attract tens, hundreds, or even thousands of people to my blog by being petty, ridiculing people, or talking about what I hate.  Talking about my fears might get me a few more, but if I want the really big numbers I need to offer people something positive.  Immediately my mind starts working [...]

Wow, that week flew.  I expected to have at least one post between the two football picks, but just never got to it.  Sorry… or you’re welcome depending on your taste. Again, all picks are straight up with NO pint-spread. Falcons over Carolina.  As a resident of Philadelphia, I know that AJ Feeley is not [...]