Tee Shirt Soup

The “Game of Life” and “playing cards” were the beginning and the end of the list of the 2010 inductees into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Located in Rochester, New York, this hallowed ground of “all things fun” is also home to such endorphin-releasing gadgets as the ball (inducted in 2009), and the stick (yes, I said stick. And not a smooth rounded stick either; I’m talking about a branch), a 2008 inductee. In case you are wondering, the cardboard box is a member of the Hall’s 2006 class. I don’t know about you guys, but I think I could spend a week there one night.

“Absolutely it meant something,” Donovan McNabb’s father remarked of the timing of his son’s trade to the Redskins which went down on Easter Sunday 2010. “We were celebrating Jesus’ resurrection, right? Then we turn around and Donovan gets resurrected. Just perfect.”

I was in an accident two weeks ago. It was a pretty minor one, but I just got my car back today. I’m not blaming the body shop; it takes a while to get parts for a 2001 Volvo station wagon (bragging). And much of the damage was to the front end, so I had to wait for a new little headlight windshield wiper thingie (bragging again). Also the fender was a bit smashed, and the bumper was hanging off.

Greg Giraldo, the frenetic, caustic, brilliant comic succumbed to his demons yesterday, and embarked on the one trip where you can truly leave your baggage behind. He was one funny fucker, and the Comedy Central Roasts won’t be the same.

This is the time of year when we typically find that while some campaign contributions go towards getting the candidates message out (broadcasting television ads, etc.), most go to private investigators and staffers to dig up as much dirt as they can on an opponent.  I noticed a break from that trend of mudslinging this year, but candidates [...]

I heard a commercial for a new male enhancement product during today’s morning commute.  It’s name, Hero Tabs, was presumably the idea of a “Rah Rah HR guy.” Be a hero!  Please your lady everytime.  Just not in the workplace. Anyway, according to this commercial (which I wish I could find for you guys, but here’s [...]

  ALTERNATE TITLE:  The Sound And The Fury, Book 2 Nestled in the bosom of Pennsylvania, lies Knoebels — an old fashioned amusement park and campground that was described to me as quaint and “cheap as hell.”  I was all in, and so was my sister and her family and our friends and their children. [...]

The banjo music that I heard was either off in the distance or in my head. And it weren’t no Roy Clark ner Buck Owens good-time Hee Haw banjo pickin’ neither (no Misty Rowe or Gunilla Hutton sittin’ on bales of hay slapping their knees to the tune).  No, it was a haunting, uneasy kind of [...]

I had a dream last night that my big toe was very upset with me because he didn’t have a name. “You mean like my penis’ name is Reginald Johnson?” I asked. “No, Shit-for-brains,” he shot back, “like your fingers have names.  Thumb, pinky, index finger, the bird.  Get it?” “Oh.” Awkward silence. “Well just so you [...]

I woke up this morning to find that my neck had literally overtaken my chin.  Or vice versa; I’m not sure which, but for either it was surely a pyrrhic victory.   My bathroom mirror confirmed my tragic case of facial cankles, I guess you would call it a “check” (chin + neck, oh nevermind).  Or [...]

In an effort to post new material daily, yet still provide the same pulitzer-caliber quality you’ve grown used to, I am introducing a new recurring feature to the page. Basically, when I run out of shit to write, I will post a picture (or a video like last post) and ask you guys to flex [...]

Just a quick burst of micro-fiction that I wrote a few years ago.  Enjoy. DEATH IN LA “What do you mean he’s dead?” “Go see for yourself.  I went up to see if he wanted something from Jamba Juice, and he was just…  dead.” “Dead?  Mike’s Dead?!” said Neil, one of Mike’s two roommates, standing [...]

For decades the tee shirt has told people where we’ve been. Concerts. Vacation spots. Historical events. They have proven a powerful advertiser and marketing tool. Hell, tee shirts have even chronicled the places we haven’t been (MY PARENTS VISITED THE SAN DIEGO ZOO AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEE SHIRT). Wait. Is this [...]

I hate that there are parts of my body that know it’s going to rain before I even see the five-day forecast. It makes me feel old; old and weak; old, weak, and mortal. Ironically, if I had discovered this ability when I was eight, I probably would have thought I was a superhero. I [...]

  Okay, I actually only saw about half of the first movie. That’s when I realized it was just a further example of the pussification of the American vampire, and walked out in protest. It wasn’t really much of a protest since I only walked out of my wife’s cousin’s living room, but the people [...]