Archive | March, 2009

No One Born After 1992 In America Gets Into Heaven. Sorry.

I’m sure you’ve all pretty much come to the conclusion by now that I am a very spiritual guy.  I think last week’s posts go a long way to proving that.  I was out of town for a wedding this past weekend (great time with the SpaceFamily et al, although SpaceGal had some sort of [...]

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I Guess It’s Still Handi-Capable Week Here At TeeShirtSoup

I was watching American Idol last night, and I just have one question: What the fuck is the blind guy waving at everytime he’s led across the stage? Seriously, it happens every time. While I agree that may have been a bit insensitive, I’m not the one who thought it would be a good idea [...]

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Let’s Stop Blowing Smoke Up Each Other’s Asses, Shall We?

  Yesterday the Global War on Terror ended (well it was rebranded anyway), and we are now engaged in the Overseas Contingency Operation.  It’s a softer name, and certainly less offensive to those who espouse “terror” as a governing principle, but it doesn’t change anything.  It doesn’t change the fact that we still have brave [...]

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Yes, I’m Still Beating That Dead Horse

Why are there no Winter Special Olympics? Why, every four years, does Bob Costas not come on my TV and welcome me to the Winter Games of the 25th Special Olympiad? Am I the only one who wants to see Special Pairs Skating, or hear a Special Olympian screaming his way down the luge course? I [...]

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I Just Can’t Let It Go

Okay, I don’t want to. “My name is Barack, and I like bowling.” P.S. Ruthie is a show-off

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What A Retard

Wow Barack! Special Olypics, huh? (Good thing your disdain for the handicapped didn’t come out during the campaign or Sarah Palin would have ripped you a new asshole) I guess you’ve been spending too much time with the Joe “the gaffe-meister” Biden? And it looks like you left your teleprompter back in Washington, huh? I [...]

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Roinks!

I thought it would take a little longer to find a dumber woman than the one from the Burger King drive-thru who called 9-1-1 because they kept screwing up her order.  That was before I read this story on the Smoking Gun (which I have lifted from their site.) : Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an [...]

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Shamrock Day? Stop It.

Card shop banners proclaimed yesterday Shamrock Day (it has a nice anti-religious ring to it, doesn’t it), the Disney Channel used the term as well, and even some communities have changed the name of their St. Patrick’s Day celebrations to the new, “non-offending” name. The movement to rename St. Patrick’s Day, like most assanine movements, [...]

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Killing Two Birds With One Stone

I drove past this sign the other day and thought to myself, “Now that’s a stupid idea!” Who the hell would put that combination together? But I continued driving and thinking, and I now see its genius. This trailblazing entrepreneur is not just offering convenience to his customers. He is not merely selling the opportunity [...]

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day

As it turns out, St. Patrick was not a raging drunk who used to throw potatoes at school children from the window of his third floor Dublin flat. But he may very well have been the first known case of Stockholm Syndrome. When Patrick (born Banna Venta Berniae Calpornius) was sixteen-ish, he was captured by [...]

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Wrecked (A Backward Tale of Drunken Driving)

Wrecked (A Backward Tale of Drunken Driving)

It’s autumn 1989. How did you get here? You guessed it Soupy’s Time Machine. I think this one reads better backwards. If you disagree, think how bad it would have been the other way. October 19. 10:32 AM I exited my parents’ house through the garage. Joe was at the miter-saw still cutting trim for [...]

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Objectum Sexuality – Don’t Act Like You’ve Never Heard Of It Before

Here are a couple of videos from a recent documentary (each video has less than 2000 views on YouTube, so we’re catching this phenomenon on the way up). Yes they’re long, I just told you they are from a documentary, but don’t worry you will get the point very early on. They swear it’s true, [...]

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A Soupy Guide: How You Can Tell If Something Is Going To Suck

Don’t you wish you knew how something was going to go before you spent your valuable time on it? Who wouldn’t. I put together the following list to provide some simple cues that will help you determine if certain activities are worth your precious time. Rental Video- If , while browsing through the NEW RELEASES [...]

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Who’s Up For A Game Of ObaMA-NOPOLY

You won’t see that Community Chest card in ObaMA-NOPOLY My son and his friend were playing Monopoly the other day. He ran upstairs to tell me that they had both lost because they both ran out of money. I’ve never heard of that happening before so I asked him, “Are you sure you weren’t playing [...]

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American Idol Recap

Is it me, or did it take forever to get from the fun of the city auditions to the Top 12 (excuse me, 13)? So far this season, there have been a lot of changes to the show’s format (a fourth judge, this whole top 36 thing we just survived), and another biggie will be [...]

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